Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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