We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
