he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I lost the right to judge tonight
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
