omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
NoShamevember. You game?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
