She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize