i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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