In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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