even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
