she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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