do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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