You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
