I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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