Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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