You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
