The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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