my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
