She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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