You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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