Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
