I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
