I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
