I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
