Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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