Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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