Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
