PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
