can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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