apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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