Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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