I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
