The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
