is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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