my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there was a trapeze. enough said
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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