He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
