So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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