it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
