im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
