im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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