Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
