I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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