apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am naked and annoyed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
