Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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