Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
