I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
