Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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