I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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