butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
