If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize