My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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