Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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