It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
