In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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