i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
