I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
