Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
