Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
