You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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