remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
