my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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