her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
