I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
