i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
