I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
