just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
