Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
