Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

New invention idea: vibrating tampons

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(949): View more from California

It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow

(802): View more from Vermont

Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow

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(410): View more from Maryland

i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.

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(785): View more from Kansas

your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us

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(914): View more from New York

She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.

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(574): View more from Indiana

I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual

(1-574): View more from Indiana

You're the salmon of the gays...

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other

(501): View more from Arkansas

Gotta pay for college somehow...

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