After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
