Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
