he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
